It's that time again! Our newest additions are:
Jim:
Billy Dee "Lando!" Williams
Me:
...Rachel Dratch!
Which brings our current tally to:
Jim: 6
Chelsea: 2
And I would like to point out that my two sightings are Jon Lovitz and Rachel Dratch. I spotted Ms. Dratch (Mrs?) on Sunset today, while I was on my way to (DRUMROLL) auditions for VH1/Liongate's SCREAM QUEEN! A reality horror contest show... thing in which 10ish or so hopeful ladies battle it out for the lead in a new Lionsgate horror movie. Um, if that's not my calling in life, then I just don't know what is.
Anyway, I spotted today's celebrity wandering down the street, and realized that she's approximately 3'5" if she stops stooping. It was weird.
Okay, enough of that, let's get back to the real important issue at hand here: me. The audition went very well, I think, and consisted of:
- Filling out a 10 page application that made my wrist attempt to cut itself off from my arm and flee to safety
- Chatting about said application on camera to a delightfully nice casting man (casting man? shows you how experienced i am) and having the joy of bringing up the fact that I "rule with an iron fist" and that I'm afraid of ovens, and wouldn't it be horrifying if zombie clown spiders dragged me into one? Seriously.
- Acting out a delightful monologue about vampire-creatures and people jumping into rivers
- Screaming on command
Now, not many of you know this (as how often does this come up in conversation?) but until this point, I have been entirely unable to scream on command. In fact, when we were in the 7th grade and decided to make our own horror movie (yeah, that never actually worked out) we rehearsed my "scenes" with someone literally screaming for me. A primitive sort of dubbing, if you will. But today, the gods smiled down upon me, and even though I warned the guy he might get some kind of guttural, emphysema-esque bellow (think: Lindsay Lohan unable to find booze) I opened my mouth and... a delightful, blood-curdling scream miraculously came out. Go me!
I'll take it as a sign. Not that I'm expecting anything, but how freaking cool would it be to compete on VH1 for something other than the horror that is Flava Flav? I wonder if they'd deliberately scare the contestants - now that'd be bad ass. Or maybe they just leave us to fend for ourselves in a giant room full of agents, snobby has-beens, and other dredges of LA society. Now that would be horrifying.
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