Flabbergastion.

I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry, although I've been pretty good about alternating between the two for the past 36 or so hours. And I managed to do both at once while I was walking back on Sunset, once I realized I'm literally officially fucking broke. Fabulous. 

Hey, That's Some Plausible Shit Right There. You Should Blog About That.

Tom Ryan: Ever since the divorce it's like my life has no purpose. Half the time, I walk around feeling like a zombie! 
C.J.: Yo, don't joke about zombies. That shit there - that's real. 
Mahalik: Yo, you know Nashawn, down on 120th Street? 
C.J.: Yeah. 
Mahalik: She told me that she heard a zombie going through her trash the other day. The next morning, she turned up missing. 
Tom Ryan: Uh... 
C.J.: [C.J. interrupts] What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you "turn up missing"? 
Tom Ryan: 'Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there! 
Tom Ryan: Guys, I'm trying to ask... 
C.J.: [C.J. interrupts again] So you telling me that you can appear and disappear at the same time. 
Mahalik: No, man. You can't appear and disappear at the same time. The bitch ain't David Copperfield! 
Tom Ryan: Uh, guys... 
C.J.: [C.J. interrupts yet again] Mmm. No, no. But you can't be gone from one place and show up somewhere else entirely. So when you turn up, you're never missing. And when you're missing, you never turn up. 
Mahalik: Unless... you a zombie. 
C.J.: Damn! Hey, that's some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that. 
Mahalik: I'm gonna put that on MySpace. 
C.J.: You do that! 

And this is why I watch Scary Movie marathons.

Halloween Prep

Jesus Christ, every entry on here starts with some variation of "oh god, I'm such an asshole, I'm so bad at updating," and this is because it's true: my name is Chelsea, and I am an asshole, and I am crap at updating. But then the first part of rehabilitation is admitting your problem, right? 

At any rate, today is October 25th, and we all know what that means - ONE WEEK TODAY UNTIL HALLOWEEN! Oh my god. I'm so excited I could have a heart attack, even though I'm 23 and should probably have my shit together by this point. At the moment, I'm getting into the season by taking it easy and watching a Scary Movie marathon on Comedy Central, because ohmigod I love the Scary Movie series almost as much as I love Halloween itself, and anything (both the scary and the mocking-of-the-scary) just makes me feel so much better around this time of year. 

This year, I'm going as a slutty Dorothy, which in effect perverts the last of my childhood dreams. I'm due to start writing my drug-induced memoir any day now; perhaps in a few hours, if Andrea makes good on her plan to smoke, or perhaps in a few minutes, because my neighbors are smoking, and it's coming through the window in a major way, and I think I'm starting to fishbowl. But I digress.

Pretty much my exact costume, but my shoes are way hotter

Yesterday, Danee and I went on a costume adventure spanning all the way from West Hollywood to The Valley (and downtown Burbank, my new favorite place in LA, because... well, because I have issues) and finally found the costumes of our childhood dreams - mine, of course, being Dorothy, and hers being Minnie Mouse. And, because we love being thrifty and crafty, we made our iconic shoes by spraypainting one pair yellow and one pair red, and sprinkling glitter on the red ones. Hello, ruby slippers! Oddly enough, we both had curiously lilac colored pumps, a color that I'm not entirely sure was meant to exist in nature, so voila - for free, we get costume shoes. Brilliant!

Pictures galore will ensue, because I've been here for 5+ months now, and I have a depressingly small amount of pictorial evidence to prove that point. And because it'll be Halloween, we'll be drunk, and we'll be in costume - I'm pretty sure you're breaking multiple laws if you don't break out the cameras. 

I Hate Hollywood

The same. Motherfucking car alarm. Has been going off. FOR OVER A FUCKING HOUR. WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE.

I seriously HATE living in this part of Hollywood; this occurs at least twice a day, every day.

BRB, going to pull a Britney:

It's That Time Again!

When the seasons are (supposed to be) changing, they always bring with them an inevitable conundrum: should Chelsea cut her hair off?

I tend to let my hair grow really long (well, not like scary down-to-my-feet long, but shoulder-blade-length long) and then chop it all off, and for awhile now I've been itching to get a short, bob-esque style haircut. I know that it's going to get cooler (you know, in LA it might drop down to... 75 degrees, or something) but then it is a chic, autumn-

ish hair cut soooo...

What do you think? Keep it long, or chop it off?

BTW this is how short I'd go: not pixie cut, but definitely short - and something with texture so I could wear it messy like this and not look like I just rolled out of bed/haven't showered/am homeless

Fringe is Fabulous

So I made a quick post on here awhile ago, I think when Fringe first premiered on Fox, but holy shit people, I'm serious - if you're not watching this show, then you need to sit the fuck down and watch every episode that's come out so far. It's a more modern, more scientific X-Files, and it's one of the most addicting shows I've seen in forever. This, combined with the awesomeness that is House, makes Tuesday night's thatmuchmore bearable - hurray for tv!

I wasn't sure initially that I'd be happy with a supernatural show with a scientific twist, and thought I'd be longing for ghosts and demons and other things that go bump in the night, but what makes Fringe such a standout is the scientific aspect of the show, because the episodes are based on things that could, potentially, actually happen. It's still creepy as shit, and totally off the proverbial wall, at times, but there's much more of a "shit, this could happen" base that it makes a show without ghosts and ghouls that much creepier and scarier. So, get your ass in gear and start watching, so I can start doing recaps.

Midnight Meat Train

No, that's not the title of a new male-on-male sausage fest porn extravaganza, but rather the title of a movie that apparently came out sometime earlier this year. Although in the end, I suppose, whether it's a gay porn or a confusing movie about murderers, meat, and reptilian creatures beneath the subway system of New York (get out of there, Rachel Zoe!), in the end, you still feel like you got thoroughly raped in the ass. 

And you want this to happen to you, just to stop the pain.

The entire problem of Midnight Meat Train - besides the title, of course - is that the whole premise is based on something that, if you've ever been in the New York Subway, you know to be completely false: at no time, ever, in the history of New York City, has the subway been completely empty. It's a complete fallacy, some dream that someone in Los Angeles must've dreamt up after a particularly long night of lines and newly-legalized absinthe. Even if it's 3:30am on a Tuesday, the Subway is full of drunk partiers and weary, early morning business men. The idea of an entirely empty train actually running through entirely empty stations is laughable. Sort of like basing a horror movie on the idea that men need vapid, stupid blondes around them at all times to survive, and having the protagonist arrive in LA, only to find the city completely devoid of them. It's laughable, see, because it's so outrageously absurd. 

Something I also found annoying was the fact that the synopsis on Wikipedia - I know, I know, hardly the pinnacle of hard facts - is completely off. It's like saying The Lion King opens with the main characters sitting around, smoking a joint and having a few cold ones while they bitched about the state of affairs around the Plateau of Life, or whatever the fuck it was the monkey dangled poor Simba off of. You frown and scratch your head and put the DVD on slo-mo, but still, there's no awesomely out of place scene like that. And that's the problem with Meat Train - I got annoyed by the slow pace and went on to see what the eventual outcome was, but then thought I was somehow reading the wrong movie's synopsis. Damnit, not even the web can get this movie right.

Your Moment of Bitching

IWantToGoHomeRightThisInstant >:O

Apparently it's possible to be a hormonal psychopath even with the lady junk currently still out of commission. Shocking!

Lightbulb Moment

The other day, some of my friends from work said they'd had a "lightbulb moment", so I asked what it was (meaning the idea, not the goddamn meaning of the term, because I do happen to be slightly more intelligent then I look, you bitches.) Well, today I had a lightbulb moment of my own:

It's the lack of seasons that are totally getting to me right now. Which is bizarre, because I always claimed I had SAD (and it is true that I'm prone to additional theatrics whenever the cold comes in), but now that I have no seasons (it's fucking ninety degrees outside right now - NINETY DEGREES) it's driving me mad. I don't particularly like the flow of this city to begin with, and now that it's just stretching endlessly on and on, every day exactly the same, none of the comforting seasonal - and life chapter - change coming on... well, I think it explains a hell of a lot about my mindset lately.

Time almost feels like it stands still out here; everyone is desperately trying to stay 20 years-old, it's the same shit day in and day out, everyone's chasing rather impossible dreams, and this place just sucks the life right out of you. Sure, it definitely has it's good points, and I've experienced a lot of great things out here, but man, in the end I just don't think it's worth it.

A Journey to Boston? (and other Classic Rock Bands that can be Used to Stress My Post's Topic)

What a long, strange trip it's been. And that was only to Ralph's the other day, in which I was accosted by a homeless, drug-addled man who couldn't seem to understand why I didn't want to go behind the nearby Wendy's and hook up with him. Nothing like living the dream in Hollywood. Although on the way there I did see this particularly awkward sight, so I suppose there was some good out of that trip:

Gross. Why do people let themselves go outside like this?

It's no secret that, for the vast majority of my life, I've been an habitual nomad. Even when I'm happy somewhere, I still have this unsatiable desire to travel and leave home/dorm/school and wander places unknown (or at least recently untraveled.) But for the first time in my life, I'm having this bizarre, rather unsettling desire to go home. 

No, not to Hull, because I'm a complete city girl, and the idea of moving back to a place that essentially shuts down after Labor Day makes me nearly hyperventilate. But I mean back to the East Coast, back to New England, and, most importantly (most oddly?) back to Boston. Now don't get me wrong, I've never not liked Boston. Sure, the cold nearly killed me several times (I'm very delicate, in case you were wondering - also very prone to bitching) and I knew I had to get away for at least a few years, but Boston has always held a special place in my heart, and I always liked the idea of going back at some point; maybe a few years after college, maybe twenty years after college, maybe after I'd spawned several children and a huge horde of grandchildren and had my own army - whenever. 

And Boston... well, Boston is Boston. After living chunks of my life in DC, Philly, New York, and now LA, I've seen a lot of major cities, and had the chance to experience them first hand. And I've seen Miami and San Diego and Raleigh and Richmond and Trenton and Honolulu and here and there and a little bit of everywhere, so by this point I've gotten a fairly good grasp on what the major metropolitan areas in the States have to offer, and how I feel on them. Sure, I haven't seen every major city (I still very much want to go to Chicago, for instance, and I'd like to see Austin and Dallas) but realistically, I've been to the places where I would consider living, and I think maybe it's time to actually get my shit together and make a decision one way or the other. 

Oh, Boston, you're my... home?

Boston is in a unique position, too, in that it offers so many other major metropolitan areas all within a short driving distance. Sure, LA has San Diego two hours away, Las Vegas four, and San Francisco seven, but Boston has New York, Philly, DC, all the amazingness that Maine and New Hampshire have to offer, Canada, etc etc. And it's not so much the number of cities close to Boston vs. the number of cities close to LA, but the fact that Boston has so many bustling East Coast cities so close to it. LA is nothing even remotely like any of the cities I'm used to, and while it certainly has its charms and it has a hell of a lot to offer, I miss the crazed, type-A, caffeine-riddled maniacs that storm the cities back East. 

But I like LA a lot, and in just four months, I've managed to do a fairly impressive amount of crap with my life, if I do say so myself. I mean, I've shot a movie, found a job, made some amazing friends, traveled all over the place, started a new life, threw caution to the wind and embraced the West Coast mentality, etc etc. But now that the proverbial dust has settled, what do I really want?

Well, since I'm a paradigm of maturity, I've decided to go with the good old "List of Pros and Cons!" that's helped me with such epic decisions as whether or not to be a waitress or a veterinarian when I was in elementary school, whether or not to date a boy in the fourth grade, and whether or not to give back the $20 back I received when I gave a cashier at H&M $50 for a $48 purchase. I figured it was okay in the end not to give it back, because 2 is almost 20, just with an extra zero thrown back in there. Close enough, and I don't want to dash anyone's dreams of someday becoming a mathematician. 

LA PROS:

- warm weather all year round

- bustling entertainment industry

- young, hip, full of interesting people

- there's like 40 amazing beaches all within an hour's travel

- it's a huge change from what I'm used to

- complete independence, given I'm 3 freaking timezones away

- made amazing friends

- have a job that, while not the bastion of wealth and prestige, I really like

- might actually be able to wrangle a career out here

- still has higher education and publishing options, should I decide to go back to academia

LA CONS:

- warm weather all the goddamn time/no seasons

- entertainment industry people tend to be vapid or stupid, or an unholy combination of the two

- all of the amazing beaches are at least an hour away, and I am without a car

- it's like someone took New York, ripped all the neighborhoods/buroughs out, and scattered them in the wind: meaning it takes fuck all long to get anywhere, and there's no sense of a real city here

- it's hella far away from my friends from school and the east coast, and my family

- it can feel very disconnected and almost lonely out here, at times

- the smog and pollution and filth in some areas are really fucking gross

- homeless people die in front of you (go read Jim's blog, eurgh)

- as awesome (seriously, I'm not being sarcastic) as filming the movie was, now that it's out of my system, I'm not entirely sure I actually want to fight to become famous and 100% committ myself to the industry

- i miss a smaller, or at least more compact, city feel

- it's not home.

Okay, so now let's follow this up with Boston's cons and see how they stack up, and then hit up the pros side:

BOSTON Cons:

- a smaller city, not a Global Power city (such as NYC or London)

- um, winter weather

- doesn't have the same entertainment industry opportunities 

- very close to my family and could infringe on my independence/freedom

- I don't have a job or anything set up there, and no immediate housing options until my friends' leases run up closer to the summer

- might feel like I'm giving up and going home?

BOSTON Pros:

- still actually a Global City, along with NYC and LA, just on a smaller scale

- seasons, which shockingly I miss

- has some entertainment industry opportunities, especially with the tax breaks and the production companies they're setting up there, in order to entice filmmakers to film there

- massive educational and academic communities, if I decide to go back to school or get back into publishing

- close to my college and home friends, and close to my family

- won't have to FLY to visit home (!!!!!!!!!)

- definitely has that city feel to it

- everything is super close and there's a REAL subway/T system to travel! yay!

- also, per above, don't need a car

- close to the East Coast cities I miss so much

- is a city that feels much more like home

...so, what do you all think? Realistically, I mean. Should I consider relocating in a year? Should I stay put in LA? Should I say fuck both ya'll and travel Europe? Can I afford to travel Europe without having to moonlight as a lady of the night? Might it be intriguing to be a lady of the night?

"It's Earthquake Weather!"

Apparently 95 degree evenings + gale force winds = earthquake. All I know is that, while at work in a flowy dress, for me it = Marilyn Monroe-ing the guests while feeling like I was sweating all my weight off in a sauna. For those of you not in the know, it does not stay that hot in LA at night. 

Ever. 

Once the sun goes down, the temperature can drop as many as twenty degrees, so to be melting on the sidewalk at 10pm at night is a bizarre happening, and it makes everyone (and I mean everyone) continuously say "it's earthquake weather!" Nothing like staying positive. I was fine with an earthquake, as long as it waited long enough for me to get my daily fix of Pinkberry. 

In another 'earthquake' I can finally say: MY IMDB PAGE IS UP! MOSTLY!

The page itself was approved: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3137392/ and the credits are being processed and should be up shortly! And I do need me some new headshots, but for now, at least there's some kind of face associated with my name. Even if I look slightly evil/retarded/confused. But hey, I spend most of my time in a combination of those three states of being, so at least it gives a fairly accurate sense of who I am. Fabulous. 

And my last 'earthquake' (don't you love when I go theme-happy?) is that Becca just left this morning to go back to the East Coast :( Despite spending every day during the last week glued at the proverbial hip, I already miss her like crazy. If only all of my friends could move all over the country en masse, so we wouldn't have to deal with being split up and thousands of miles away from each other. Someone needs to nail this whole 'teleportation' thing down, pronto.