Days till LA: 11
So I haven't actually sat down and watched American Idol since Ruben shattered the dreams of creepy teenage girls everywhere by beating out Clay for the title, but I have stayed up to date on things by checking out the top contestants performances on YouTube and such.
I mean, it's very difficult to actually completely distance yourself from AI, if only for the fact that everyone is constantly talking about it. I swear people take it more seriously than the upcoming presidential election - when I tell people I don't know who I want to win, I may as well be saying I don't care about the future of our country, and let's just let Huckabee go fuck wild and take evolution out of science classes everywhere. Scandalous!
So I haven't actually sat down and watched American Idol since Ruben shattered the dreams of creepy teenage girls everywhere by beating out Clay for the title, but I have stayed up to date on things by checking out the top contestants performances on YouTube and such.
I mean, it's very difficult to actually completely distance yourself from AI, if only for the fact that everyone is constantly talking about it. I swear people take it more seriously than the upcoming presidential election - when I tell people I don't know who I want to win, I may as well be saying I don't care about the future of our country, and let's just let Huckabee go fuck wild and take evolution out of science classes everywhere. Scandalous!
What part of humans were created by god in 7 days do you people not understand??Hilariously outrageous claims aside, I had to stay at least somewhat on top of this season's competition, especially by the time we whittled our contestants down to the two Davids. This is partly because David Archuleta is a singing fetus, and partly because David Cook is really fucking fine.
I didn't notice Cook at first, partly because 99.99% of the contestants initially show up looking like the horrifying "Before" on one of those makeover shows on the Style Network and with his doughy face and argyle sweaters, he didn't warrant high enough on my Hot O' Meter to catch my attention; but now? Oh, hell-o! It's the Carrie Underwood Phenomenon - they don't start out hideous, per se, but they're completely unremarkable, until one day when, suddenly, bam! they're ridiculously hot and everyone's left scratching their heads and wondering why they didn't see it beforehand.
And this is the case with Sir Cook. Because he went from this:
(Uh, dude, you have a watermark on your face)
I didn't notice Cook at first, partly because 99.99% of the contestants initially show up looking like the horrifying "Before" on one of those makeover shows on the Style Network and with his doughy face and argyle sweaters, he didn't warrant high enough on my Hot O' Meter to catch my attention; but now? Oh, hell-o! It's the Carrie Underwood Phenomenon - they don't start out hideous, per se, but they're completely unremarkable, until one day when, suddenly, bam! they're ridiculously hot and everyone's left scratching their heads and wondering why they didn't see it beforehand.
And this is the case with Sir Cook. Because he went from this:
(Uh, dude, you have a watermark on your face)To this:
Damn.
Sometimes, all it takes is cutting a few calories and growing (and grooming) some facial hair. It's a miracle! He's now completely fuckable. I feel like Tim Gunn beaming over his latest makeover creation. I wonder how many Style Network references I can make in one post...
At any rate, last night David Cook proved that he is the best contestant this season, and put David Questionably Aged Archuleta to shame as he won the title. It's not that I hate Archuleta, it's that I had my fill of babies crying constantly when I was in preschool, and the last thing I want to do is have an American Idol winner that needs to have his diaper changed on the hour, and put down for naps so he doesn't become too cranky during sets - is that really too much to ask? I mean seriously, the kid blubbered so much that my mother threw her hands up in irritation last night and demanded to know when he was going to be stop being such a goddamn pussy and suck it up already.
Good question, mom. Good question.
At 25, David Cook is 20 years and 8 days older than David Archuleta
Damn.
Sometimes, all it takes is cutting a few calories and growing (and grooming) some facial hair. It's a miracle! He's now completely fuckable. I feel like Tim Gunn beaming over his latest makeover creation. I wonder how many Style Network references I can make in one post...
At any rate, last night David Cook proved that he is the best contestant this season, and put David Questionably Aged Archuleta to shame as he won the title. It's not that I hate Archuleta, it's that I had my fill of babies crying constantly when I was in preschool, and the last thing I want to do is have an American Idol winner that needs to have his diaper changed on the hour, and put down for naps so he doesn't become too cranky during sets - is that really too much to ask? I mean seriously, the kid blubbered so much that my mother threw her hands up in irritation last night and demanded to know when he was going to be stop being such a goddamn pussy and suck it up already.
Good question, mom. Good question.
At 25, David Cook is 20 years and 8 days older than David ArchuletaSo, this means that now David Cook will become famous (worst case scenario, he ends up like Ruben, and while he's no longer particularly culturally relevant, he still gets into VIP rooms at clubs, and at least people still dimly remember his name) and will relocate to Los Angeles, and this means that he will be within stalking distance of me. So, after I seduce Joe Jonas and Ben Barnes, watch out, David Cook - I'll be coming for you next.
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