Friday, May 9, 2008

I Have Psychotic Machine Ovaries

OKAY PEOPLE.

When someone goes through medically induced menopause, it is inferred that said person will not continue to produce eggs and have menstrual cycles, because THE PROCESS IS HALTED. No more, not ever, not until I stop the Lupron shots and it's out of my system.

Which makes it a bit baffling as to how I got my period about a week or so ago, when I still had 2 full weeks left on the last Lupron shot - how does on break through when there's still 2 weeks worth of drugs in one's system? I was asking myself the same question.

Which makes this more baffling, as I got my next Lupron dosage last Wednesday, and it is good for THREE MONTHS, and yet TONIGHT I GOT MY PERIOD AGAIN. This means that I am officially menstruating while going through menopause. IS THAT EVEN PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE??

I don't understand why I have atomic eggs, as my mother so daintily put it. Am I supposed to be churning out litters? Am I supposed to have an army of tiny Chelseas? Am I supposed to be THIS crazy woman???:


I am, aren't I?? I'm doomed to be Michelle Duggar, who's pregnant with her 18th CHILD. EIGHTEENTH! Her vagina must be a wind tunnel - when she walks it must sound like a tornado's approaching. How on earth is it physically possible to birth eighteen children and still be able to stand up and walk around? Let alone have sex again to birth yet another spawn!

I suppose it's as physically possible as going through menopause and yet menstruating at the same time. It just makes sense that, of course, I'd have yet another bizarre medical mystery on my hands. I was going to say I should be a surrogate, because then I'd be paid to get fat, I'd be getting paid in general, and the hormone shift during pregnancy alleviates endometriosis (and usually stops it all together) but then I realized that I would end up with 18 children coming out of me, and I don't particularly fancy become a human wind tunnel anytime soon. I still have some hopes for my future.

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